The Rise Of The Cr-ppy Chris Christie

Chris Christie’s problem is not his weight, but his character. New Jersey’s popular Republican governor is the consummate backstabbing, slimy, opportunistic politician, who, for good measure, also preaches and practices the dirigiste economics of an Obama (and a “W”).

Gov. Christie is in the news a lot lately, which is just the way he likes it—and the way he has planned it. To say that Mr. Christie hungers for the plum post of US president is a redundancy on par with, “Is the Pope Catholic?”

The governor is no boob, but he knows how to handle boobs, a requirement of public office. And one crucial question Booboos Americanus asks himself when electing a president is whether he’d like to knock back a Guinness with the candidate. A doughnut is as good as a beer.

So on the “Late Night Show” went Christie for a cameo. There he squeezed into a studio seat too small for his girth and humored the hubris sitting opposite him, while scarfing down a doughnut.

Befitting a nation that considers wisdom and intellect as liabilities—cretin celebrities will carry the day in the 2016 presidential run, as they do today. Visibility on late night TV is a requirement of the highest office.

Launched by the Queen of Kitsch, day-time talker Oprah Winfrey, Barack Obama has normalized the cultural carnival that sees a president cavorting with dummies like Dave Letterman and the ladies of “The View.” He now sits at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, where Chris Christie would dearly like to plunk his keister.

Like his predecessor, the next president will need the imprimatur of entertainers with canonical status. “The road to the White House goes through this chair,” a semi-serious David Letterman warned Republican presidential pick Mitt Romney. Romney had flouted the Letterman commandment. Where is he today? On the ash-heap of history.

Another chrysalis within which the American presidency takes shape is the liberal media. And it loves Chris Christie, holding him up as a paragon of the rudderless Republican the GOP ought to be running.

This wasn’t always the case. It used to be that commentator Ann Coulter alone went weak at the knees and coquettish over Christie. Now it’s the entire liberal establishment (which includes most Republicans).

How did fatso forge this Faustian pact?

The grumpy governor’s vertiginous rise began, I believe, in September of 2011, when he delivered an address at the Reagan Library. More rambling than Reaganesque, Christie likened Ronald Reagan to the “immigrants,” who for centuries “embarked on dangerous journeys to come here.” Anyone who conflates an all-American, highly accomplished white male with an immigrant is forever a friend of the media.

By late 2011, the country had become obsessed with Gov. Christie’s presidential plans, behaving like a toddler chasing a parent, yelling, “Pick me up, big daddy, pick me up. Kiss better, kiss better.” Christie, however, played it smart. He did not do a Palin. The incredible hulk remained firmly planted in New Jersey, refusing to do as Sarah Palin had done: Give up the governorship midterm, in order to frolic on the national stage.

Super-storm Sandy made landfall late in October of 2012, when Mitt Romney was fighting for his political life. Sandy was Christie’s perfect storm. It was then that the governor moved swiftly to become Obama’s New BFF (Best Friend Forever), welcoming the president to stricken New Jersey and declaring his disinterest in a visit from Mitt Romney.

A central planner’s disrespect for private property the “conservative” governor demonstrated by outlawing what he called “price gouging.” Like any voluntary exchange of goods, “gouging” amounts to free people exchanging property to which they hold title. Each relinquishes something he values less (money/goods/labor) for something he values more (money/goods/labor).

Little does Christie understand that prices are like a compass. Pegged to supply and demand they ensure the correct allocation of resources. Without market prices, supply and demand cannot be brought into balance and, by extension, consumer need cannot be satisfied, especially in times of great scarcity.

Soon a great cry was sounded throughout the land. Having lost all in Hurricane Sandy, Staten Island residents were heard demanding on national TV that the government fix the shoreline. If it does that small thing, they and their “plucky” neighbors would gladly rebuild.

Cap-in-hand Chris Christie agreed. Regional autonomy? Federated powers? Forget about those. Mr. Romney was cussed for questioning the legitimacy of FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) and for explaining that the states and the private sector were the proper repositories and laboratories of the efforts to rebuild.

The corpulent one requested “Federal approval of 100% reimbursement for state and local government costs associated with debris removal and emergency protective measures that continue in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.”

As far as Gov. Chris Christie is concerned, government should roll back the sea for New Jersey.